Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
