told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
