the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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