I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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