Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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