I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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