so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
