I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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