good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the night ended with taco bell and tears
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
