I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
