i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
