Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
