I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
