he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
