i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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