Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize