I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
