mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
