oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
