guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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