Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
