I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
