Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
