Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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