those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize