those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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