Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
