Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
