tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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