who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Even my vagina gasped.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
