She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
