3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
