Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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