I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
