I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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