I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
