so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
