i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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