No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
