I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
