i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
