You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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