Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize