So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
