god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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