My girlfriend figured out who you are.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
God, I missed his penis.
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