put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
