im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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