dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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