I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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