I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
