You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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