hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
