Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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