why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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