dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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