it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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