is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
