I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
