Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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