Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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