apparently the secret to your success is patron
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
