Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its not stalking. its research.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
