I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
