I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he quoted the bible to break up with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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