On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
