cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
