Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have aggressive nipples.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
