I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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