I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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