we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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