My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
