Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
