I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
