He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
