I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
