I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Mom said you looked used
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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