Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize