lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
