Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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