My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
