I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
