just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
