Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
time to smoke my breakfast
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
