i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
