I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
