I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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