I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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