Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize